Different thinkings

I guess as a disordered eating patient, you try to find some sort of accomplishment in something. I tried to find accomplishment and satisfaction in the purchase of a new home, new car and new job all in one year, but it was an empty ended feeling. Nothing compared to the feeling of accomplishment that I have had with disordered eating.

It's like it becomes who you are and what you think about. How many calories are in that? how many carbs? how many minutes do I need to exercise today? When consumed with anorexia it's like your mind and body need "better" ohhh you hit the 145 lbs mark, you can go a little further, how about the 135 lbs mark. It's like running a marathon, and each hurdle you meet, there's another not far in the distance to achieve. It's something that without even realizing, people validate the "being good at it" feeling by making comments on weight loss, or looking good etc.. It's a sense of being good at something, but in a sense it's being good and your own demise, death and starvation.