Saturday, February 23, 2008
Scared feelings
It has come to the scale is now the final analysis of everything about me. It's like recovery seems possible but I can not imagine how I can be ok without my eating disorder.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Frustration and Understanding
I'm having a real hard time dealing with the acceptance of lack of help for patients diagnosed with eating disorders.
This past week I was hospitalized for reasons unrelated to anorexia although it was well known to the medical profession at the hospital that I had an anorexia diagnosis. I was put onto the surgical floor and re-hydrated. They eventually became unclear as to the etiology of the pain relating to my VP Shunt. I was put on a "Calorie Count" due to my eating disorder. Now as if hospital food wasn't bad enough, to have somebody keeping track of every morsel you do or don't eat. I think I had maybe 500 calories the whole hospital stay. The food was horrible but the menu looked like a five star dinning menu.
The whole hospital experience was less than desirable. Being a teaching institute the "rounds" included 16 students, an attending physician, resident and anybody else who was "curious". They spend 30 minutes or more talking to eachother right over the top of you, while ignoring anything that comes out of your mouth. They all thank you and leave. As a patient you never really know what's happening or where they stand with "teaching" or diagnosing.
Now I acknowledge that I have an eating disorder, have accepted responsibility, have agreed to go to inpatient treatment and am fully aware of the consequences my actions on my health. However, the insurance company has decided to not approve inpatient treatment. There isn't much help out there available for eating disordered patients, hence, the 20% mortality rate of anorexia.
Guess I'm frustrated but understanding why so many people with eating disorders don't get help.
This past week I was hospitalized for reasons unrelated to anorexia although it was well known to the medical profession at the hospital that I had an anorexia diagnosis. I was put onto the surgical floor and re-hydrated. They eventually became unclear as to the etiology of the pain relating to my VP Shunt. I was put on a "Calorie Count" due to my eating disorder. Now as if hospital food wasn't bad enough, to have somebody keeping track of every morsel you do or don't eat. I think I had maybe 500 calories the whole hospital stay. The food was horrible but the menu looked like a five star dinning menu.
The whole hospital experience was less than desirable. Being a teaching institute the "rounds" included 16 students, an attending physician, resident and anybody else who was "curious". They spend 30 minutes or more talking to eachother right over the top of you, while ignoring anything that comes out of your mouth. They all thank you and leave. As a patient you never really know what's happening or where they stand with "teaching" or diagnosing.
Now I acknowledge that I have an eating disorder, have accepted responsibility, have agreed to go to inpatient treatment and am fully aware of the consequences my actions on my health. However, the insurance company has decided to not approve inpatient treatment. There isn't much help out there available for eating disordered patients, hence, the 20% mortality rate of anorexia.
Guess I'm frustrated but understanding why so many people with eating disorders don't get help.
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